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Open relationships
March 30th, 2009 by Anju
A topic, much like arranged marriages, which has come into contemporary interest again is that of open relationships. If you’re not sure what an “open” relationship is, well, this may be eye-opening! Open relationships consist of a partnership (usually 2 people, but can involve more) that is a committed relationship, which also allows each individual to have intimate interactions with others outside of the relationship. I believe open relationships were most popular during the 60s and 70s, when the sexual revolution in the Western world was taking place, and sexual disease was an annoyance, not potentially lethal as it is today.
So, should you participate in open relationships yourself? Well, of course, that’s a personal decision. You’re probably not a great match for Sense2Love, as you’re most likely looking for outside interactions which are very short-term, and may have litle need for our survey for such a connection. However, if you are thinking about introducing a new person into your current relationship, here’s an important thought to have: Are you bringing in someone new because both partners will feel this will enliven your already exciting and fulfilling relationship? Or are you bringing in someone new to make your somewhat boring relationship more interesting? In the first example, an open relationship might have the most success, as the commitment to the original relationship remains intact. However, in the second example, it sounds like one or both partners may be ready for a new relationship altogether, and through dishonesty or disception (of yourself or your partner) an “open” relationship is mainly just a testing ground for that future relationship that spells an end to the current one.
Any further thoughts on this topic would be very welcome, especially from those who may have experienced an open relationship already!
Apr 02 at 20:35
After 15 years of being married we are exploring this alternative, what is important is to keep in communication and talk about how you feel so the foundation you have build never gets an opportunity to be disrupted. Transparency with the additional partner to avoid any confusion. I believe only emotionally stable relationships can endure such a model.
Apr 07 at 23:38
I wholeheartedly agree, open relationships can improve stable relationships, but seem to always complicate unstable ones. Great to hear from you!
Jun 27 at 04:05
There are many reasons that one chooses to form “a relationship”. From physical gratifications to narcissistic gratifications, or more complexly to form a strategic, supportive, co-operative unit against the tribulations of life. Having experimented with an “open relationship” for nearly a year, I personally found it did not work. My partner needed “narcissistic supply”, perpetual external reinforcement of her esteem, whereas my desire was for a solid partnership. There was no jealousy per se. What I came to realize was that her being free to indulge her narcissism exaccerbated her condition to the point of self destructiveness. I had been the stabilizer. When I saw that she was spiraling down to a totally indulgent hedonism financed by others, I stepped in and applied some gentle brakes. Her reaction was vituperative and morally violent, culminating in her making false allegations to authorities in her tantrum. What had been a previously moderately centered person went off the deep end. And after our separation ended her with complete ostracization by the community, court ordered treatment programs for her, and sadly her becoming a pariah.
Therefore I consider that really what makes a relationship work is when both parties desire such BECAUSE they realize that they achieve greater stability of their psyche within a relationship than without.